:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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