the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
