Im at strip club and am horny
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, beer. Big fan.
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