i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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