Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
