drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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