Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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