youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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