I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
