If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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