John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My ass is underappreciated
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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