After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
