Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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