OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
