We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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