I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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