"it" just moved
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
