I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
