one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
