You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
