Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
