The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize