My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize