I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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