3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
