when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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