HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
