Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
