I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sober January is a disaster.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize