just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
