the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
