I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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