And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Houston, we have a squirter
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
