I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
