Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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