the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
