Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he puts the penis in happiness.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
