My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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