My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
