I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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