I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
