the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
