Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
