Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
