I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
