This house was built for laser tag.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I FOUND THE LEGS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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