how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
