I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
