Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The air was thick with penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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