I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
