My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize