Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
