I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
