either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My ass is underappreciated
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
