well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize