there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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