Will you blow on my dice?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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