No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
