Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
