i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
