someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
