The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
