exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
