i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
