I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
