You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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