you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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