I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
