Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
