I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
