Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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