is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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