dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
