census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
