somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
