Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
