there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
