I'm going to jail i love you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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